Expectations and Emotions

Let me tell you about an experience I had climbing. I love climbing. The sun was out, I had been working all weekend, and the opportunity to sport climb outside was there, so I took it. It was the week before my period. I know that for me this is a time when my head game is weaker, committing on lead is harder for me and my emotions can run high. So I chose a climb below my max. I had climbed the route in the previous week, just not on lead. My aim was to do fall practice and build up to having a redpoint go.  My secret aim was to send the route quickly and move onto trying the route next to it. 

So, I pulled through the beginning crux and did fall practice as planned. I did all the moves on lead and felt ok falling. So far, so good. I had a rest, and my next go came up. I tackled the crux and came to the last sequence, a deadpoint over a lip to a crimp, match and then a second deadpoint to a higher pocket. I could not do the last move. I could feel frustration rising in me like a swelling tide. I tried over and over again, tears streaming down my face. Each time I tried and failed, the angrier I became. I could feel heat radiating from me and a voice inside (and outside) my head bullying me with jibes. ‘Why can’t I do it’, ‘I did this before’, ‘it doesn’t make sense’, ‘I’ll never be able to do this’. It felt like the route had been stolen from me. With much persuasion from my belay partner I pulled past it and continued with the rest of the route until I could not hold my emotions any longer and had a full on crying fit on the route. Again, after persuasion from my partner I came down and stopped for the day. 

I came back to this route a week later and sent it on my first redpoint go. I had my foot too high and needed to leave it one step down to make the move. At some point I placed it higher and was unaware of this vital foot change. 

So what happened? My goal was to do fall practice, and try the route. My expectation was that I would be able to do the moves, but that I would get scared (hence the fall practice). When I did not meet my expectations my emotions took over. My frustration overwhelmed me and I stopped thinking clearly and could not see other options. 

Drawing from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) I could describe what happened as “fusion” - my thoughts and my feelings fused with reality. I could not understand anything apart from what I was thinking and feeling at that moment. There were no alternative explanations. I felt as if someone had changed the route, and it was no longer possible. As though a setter had sneaked in and moved the rocks around when I wasn’t looking somehow. 

So what can I do about this? And what could you do about it? 

The first point I want to make is that you (and I) are not alone, many climbers experience this. Many people experience this outside of climbing also. However, everyone is different and will respond to different strategies. There is sadly no perfect solution that works for everyone but understanding and accepting your own mindset and psychology is an essential first step.

In this instance, being aware of my secret goals and expectations may have been helpful. Any good coach will help you set realistic goals. But there is a difference between hoping to do something, and expecting to do something. A question I ask myself, and my clients, is whether a goal or an expectation is helpful or not. What are the consequences of holding on to it? In this instance, my expectation of being able to do the route pulled me away from my goals of doing fall practice and trying it on lead. I couldn't try anything, I was too upset. 

Accepting who you are as a climber and as a person is important. I am an emotional person, and this understandably is a part of who I am as a climber. It  makes me an empathetic person, and coach. It also means I get to feel all the joy and pleasure of climbing. But, if my thoughts and feelings have become fused with reality in an unhelpful way (i.e. not helping me achieve my goals), then how do I un-fuse them? Again, taking from ACT, diffusion means accepting those feelings and thoughts but not being overwhelmed or succumbing to them. Neither avoiding or fighting them, or giving into them. Merely acknowledging they are there and observing them from a more detached perspective. Easier said than done, but there are ways of training this mental ability. 

In hindsight (that beautiful thing), I could have registered how upset I was at not achieving my secret goal, or meeting my expectations, and chosen to take a step back. I could have sat on the rope or come down, observed what was happening and tried to diffuse my thoughts and feelings from reality. I may have been able to see my mistake, or acknowledge that I had an unhelpful expectation that was pulling me away from my goals. 

One thing I like to do with my own climbing and with my clients, is focus on what has been learnt, rather than grade or performance. I learnt that I cannot fully avoid my emotions when I’m climbing, but I do need to put in the work so that I am not overwhelmed by them and still able to choose my actions. For me, this means looking at diffusion and other elements of ACT for workable mental training strategies. I do not expect to develop this ability overnight but I hope that being honest with myself about what I am experiencing, and sharing that vulnerability with others, will bring me a step further.

If you are interested in mental training for climbing or learning more about Acceptance Commitment Therapy, I recommend the following resources. Better yet, book a coaching session with me 🙂

Harris, R. (2019) ACT made simple : an easy-to-read primer on acceptance and commitment therapy. Second edition. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications, Inc.

Hegarty, J., and, Huelsmann, C. (2020) Act in Sport: Improve Performance through Mindfulness, Acceptance, and Commitment. Dark River UK. 

Williams, R. (2022) Climb Smarter: Mental skills and techniques for climbing. Sequoia Books UK.